BEST FRIEND -- the word brings memories of time when I was a little kid; I was in maybe 3rd grade and I had this amazing friend. We did everything together, except lunch and dinner.......meeting up at school bus-stop, sitting at same bench in school, playing together etc etc.....and after 6th grade all I remember having are good friends....

I moved to a city in that grade so that's why my defining moment is 6th grade. Yes, we (my good friends and I) met in bus, we sat together and called each other up as soon as we reached home. We would meet in the evenings and essentially all was same. But I could never have another best friend. I still wrote letters to my best friend and till date we meet up every year. We both have changed so much.....and yet we are the same. Still, couple of my good friends from school are still my good friends.

The worst phase was at college......being part of huge friend group, entering adulthood together, going to first party, staying in hostel, bunking classes etc should have forged stronger bonds......but these turned out to be superficial relationships and ended soon. Thereafter, at every place of my stay I have formed very good friendships and some of them have lasted, some of them will last......but all these friendships change with time, they take on new dimensions and new meanings....but what doesn't change is my relationship with my BEST FRIEND. I am glad to have known that sort of friendship....

problems which weigh me down - weight problems!!!!!

Since I have got married, everyone keeps on asking me to put on some weight.

firstly, I am purposefully not trying to "maintain" my weight. secondly, i don't need anyone to tell me to put on weight - it has been a life long attempt on my part to put on weight. thirdly, after marriage i have world's licence to put on weight. and lastly, is it a mandate that i have to put on weight after marriage. i mean what has changed that i need to put on weight???? is it because my work portfolio now includes working as a house maid that i need extra energy?
another reason could be that it will look like bride torture if i don't put on weight in my husbands family.

i am SLIM (not thin), and up to an extent i m proud of the fact. i m not happy that i m unable to gain even couple of pounds quickly, but that does not make me anorexic, bulimic or weak. i have ample stamina to work 12 hours straight on my feet. i m rarely sick and have good innate immunity. i have a strong constitution and i am healthier than many pseudo healthy (appropriately weighing) people. by appropriately weighing people, i mean three things. one they have proper height - weight ratio. they have correct BMI and they have correct weight according to people and their current situation in life. for eg, in india if u r 5' 6" tall female, before marriage your ideal weight should be 55kgs. after getting a job u r allowed to become 58kgs, around marriage time u should be 56kgs, after marriage u should be 60kgs and after 1 kid 63kgs and after 10 years of marriage and 2 kids later who cares if u r as big as a whale, u have a husband and family, u r non existent as a singular entity............you are obscure.

i don't need any ones permission/ suggestion to gain weight. i am proud of the fact that i can eat 1pound bag of chips and not worry about gaining flab. i feel happy when i slip into size small shirts and size 4pants. i am happy that i m quick n agile, i can fold my body into any position without slightest discomfort. i am happy that while my contemporaries are looking like aunty's i m still thin. i cant stop age advancing on me, my body or my face, but at least i can retain the body from my youth!!!!

thats my ghost!!!

these kind people decided to create me...........................

My mom and dad :-)

Oh GOD!

'Yuganta' is a very good book......It is originally a Marathi book (I had 'me marathi manus' kind of pride while reading it in English). The person who introduced me to the book is a Tamil Brahman - and as everyone knows I love south Indians - so that means I trust her. On a serious note, she is a fountain of knowledge on ancient Indian literature. After reading the book, we have had many discussions on how the Hindu Vedas go hand in hand with science and the presence of one or several supreme being. A side note: I am an Aries and she is a Leo, we do have very healthy discussions and if I suffer grievous bodily injury because of my opinions, please contact her.

Hinduism is a very strong belief. It is not a religion but a way of living. A Hindu is not forced to pray, to do charity or follow any strictures. We love some of our god's, we consider some of them as our friends, we are indifferent to some and we hate some. We 'butter them up' for our gains. But the most important point is that we can discuss the existence of our deity's. And hence, the below presented thoughts are mine as I understand them. There might or might not be any resemblance to actual Vedas or any sacred text/ event.

Yuganta explains entire Mahabharata and its characters in a realistic setting. It unites fact and fiction. Assuming that the characters were real and the events occurred, then all the people were mere mortals, who were trapped in a sad situation. Everyone was right at their place, and yet they all were wrong. Some of the things -- like fire spewing arrows - can be explained scientifically (for those of lesser scientific knowledge - high friction can ignite an inflammable substance) or they might have been pure embellishment by narrators. But the most controversial chapter in the book was about Lord Krishna.

Was Krishna a normal human with extremely shrewd mind and good management capabilities? or was he indeed a demigod/god with supernatural powers? I was a bit disturbed after reading the chapter. I am not a big 'Bhakth', but I sincerely believe in Lord Krishna. I have found his presence in my life and it would break my spirit if he were figment of someones imagination. The book says that it was the narrator (here I mean the people who have told the story to people across generations) and the listener who made Krishna into Lord Krishna. So I have decided to be a listener who knows facts and who knows fiction, but who is still ready to believe in god, for the reason that this god provides me companionship when I am stressed, friendship when I am lonely, strength when I am tired and knowledge when I need it. Besides, I have another twisted logic to it.........................

It is difficult to accept that maybe Krishna was just a human being. But doubting the 'GOD' status of Krishna puts HINDU'S in bigger dilemma. After all, Krishna is the ninth avatar of Lord Vishnu, and if he isn't, then who is? where is he? are we ever going to have Kalki avatar? if not, then that means, we are safe and world is definitely not going to end in 2012 because we have yet to wait for Lord Vishnu's ninth and tenth avatar!!

being womanly -- any girl above 23 will understand

I want to keep my trip to France 'hush hush' and so what better way than to post it on Internet and let the whole wide world know about it.

I wake up at midnight, 6:30am and get ready for the lab. I am in the lab at sharp 7am and work straight till1pm. lot of productive work too.........which enforces my point, that I follow the carrot principle (for those who don't know the principle: a donkey responds to carrot or stick. I work like a donkey and i respond to carrot......i think donkeys are cute). My boss then keeps on discussing the results till2:30pm and doesn't seem to notice that I am in a rush to leave. Anyways, I catch the bus at 4pm. I reach Chicago and the hotel subsequently (my life is not full of adventure so stop expecting one in next few lines). I use my extreme charm and get a studio room with a kitchenette for the price of an economy room from desk attendant. AND THEN.............i get to watch TV for 2 hours before I sleep!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So next day I wake up, get dressed, and I am carrying my papers in this trendy bag slung over my shoulder..............I wear a light blue jeans for the casual effect and a black shirt for that formal feel. I wear a light wool pink sweater on top............so I am feeling as if I have achieved the pinnacle of BALANCED FASHION and I am walking PURPOSEFULLY (very important -- walking purposefully, generally the only purpose of my walking anywhere is that I have no car) down the Michigan avenue; looking like a smart confident focused WOMAN. I see this blind man walking across from me, and he stumbles and since I have been diagnosed with probable glaucoma, I have had special regards for blinds........so I think, I should be a good women and help him, when.....................I fall -- notice that i haven't said i stumble --- I scraped both my knees, my palms and two knuckles. all purpose, fashion, focus, and womanliness faded away!!!!!!!!!!

So, that's my adventure of Chicago. to cut long story short and save myself from further embarrassment I will cut the story short and just say that, few women came to help me up, I crossed the street went to consulate, finished my interview and then to cheer me up bought new sandals.............maybe next time they will help me to feel womanly!!!!!!!!!!!

Phil : Deliberate OR Foolish

every year on Feb 2 or 12 they have this day called -- ground hog day -- in USA. now stop scurrying for wikipedia to know more abt ground hog, to understand this blog u just need to know its one of those furry hibernating animals which dig up holes n live in them. almost like humans, after all we sleep for 8 hrs a day and i know many people who happily sleep for more than 12 hrs......besides we dig situational holes for ourselves.

anyways, so in Pennsylvania, in middle of forest i.e. nowhere, the cloaked n hooded human figures go and they find a ground hog called Phil. now an interesting thing is, that a particular ground hog is Phil, coz this tradition has been going on for more than 200 years, i m sure many Phil's must have come and gone. continuing further with my story, they find this Phil and dig him out of his nice little hole. the theory is that if the Phil sees his shadow he will go back into his hole and America will suffer 6 weeks of further intense cold, but if he fails to see his shadow then spring will arrive sooner. i am pretty sure that Phil doesn't even know what a shadow is. and poor Phil is so scarred being woken up in middle of winter and being held by its tail in air by various hooded humans that it is no wonder that he goes back into his hole regardless of shadow being present or not.

this makes u wonder that in every human there is a Phil. we all roam around on warm sunny days gathering nuts and on those cold horrid days, we take our booty of happiness i.e. nuts, or in human case, chocolates; and go into our comfort zone - in front of TV. we become so comfortable being sad and depressed, that any hint of sunshine scares us. and then when sunshine comes we do bask in it but we are always aware of those horrid winters for which we have to collect nuts. then in middle of depression, when a stranger accosts us (Feb 2) we run, and run hard......to escape our shadow.
u see we humans know what a shadow is. and at that time we get to wonder, if our actions were deliberate or foolish, coz if we would have not run, then we would have seen sunshine!!!

so all u humans, don't think too seriously over this blog, coz this Phil (that's me) knows that the summer is going to be here soon..........i already have my capris n t's ready......................
warning: last year i was preparing for summer since before my b'day, but winter got over after 1st week of April. so this Phil might be little unreliable which might be injurious to ur health!!!

p.s. dedicated to krish. hope u get it.

i am getting engaged!!!!!

they say (who they ??-- i dont know) life is a roller coaster, ronan keating added -- njoy it!!

well in past 10 days i have experienced it all - happiness, sadness, thrill, fear, anger etc etc etc
jumpa lahiri or such equally acclaimed writer can write a novel based on the events of past 10 days (i always wanted fame - n i always feel i m dramatic enough to warrant a novel based upon me)
note: some of the emotions written here might not have been expressed by me in its entirety - its written for the effects eg, sadness

the approach of my engagement made me ecstatic. then the change of venue of engagement made me angry. the idea of going to india thrills me, and dreams turning to reality excites............and it scares krish -- just being with me 24X7, gives him jitters - that fear has rubbed of me!! i am like a bubbling spring -- i have even become a romantic

we should be fine. we may not like same movies and music -but we are able to force the other one to compulsorily enjoy it, and we may not share same taste in clothes and accessorise - but we find common ground in the fact that my choice is better than his and lastly we may not like the same type of cuisine - he cooks better than me and i love food cooked by others but we often find common ground & on this common ground we wish to build- i want to build a house, krish wants an apartment - a home.
touche' wood
hope all goes fine!!!!!!

Five hundred twenty-five thousandSix hundred minutes,
Five hundred twenty-five thousandMoments so dear.
Five hundred twenty-five thousandSix hundred minutes
How do you measure, measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights
In cups of coffee
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife

how about seasons of love?????????????????
(thanx ash n briggy for intoducing me to "rent")

Curosity killed the CAT - meowwwwwwwwww

curiosity is the root of all evil. It was George bush's curiosity (amongst other things) of the oil supplies in Iraq which led to war. it was curiosity of invaders which led to repeated invasion and subsequent foreign rule in India. it was Einstein's curiosity which gave us the dreadful 'electron in a box' series of equations and of course -- gravity. it was curiosity of other researchers which gave us America, electricity, telephone ..........and atom bomb, nuclear weapons, and war ..............

dictionary says curiosity is being nosey, meddlesome.........basically a pesky irritating bigot trying to snoop .........but i say curiosity is a quest..............dictionary defines quest as being an odyssey, adventure, investigation ............basically its a crusade in pursuit of knowledge!!!! and to this i say, dictionary should put them as first cousin words. or rather yin and yang - curiosity is yin and quest is yang (--important point: why is yin the negative force feminine and yang the positive force masculine???? but my suffragette ideologies are not the topic today ---)

this whole hunt of words started for me yesterday, i was curious about my cousin's affairs (ahem...affairs: an event or happening). now, i am a great believer in family unity and family talking to each other and sharing things with each other and blah blah blah............so basically i read something on orkut which is a good site for gathering information and i wanted some in depth information. my sister said curiosity killed the crow and she took names of couple of other animals and birds till the time i told her it was cat.......and she said that didn't change the fact that i was curious. but i m not curious, i say i was/ still am on a quest for truth. i think this quest is an essential part of all relationships!!!! if there was nothing to discuss amongst two people what would they do??? i know some people would call this GOSSIP, but hey i am just sharing information and its like a theorem -- you make some assumptions from the given facts and arrive at a conclusion proving your hypothesis to be correct -- hurrah!!!! on the way u might get couple of steps wrong.......................at this point of time don't get caught as the initiator. second try to clear up as many mistakes as possible and third lie low for few days.

its a fact that girls love to gossip and from all the new research going on at oxford and Cambridge (who pays to do this research??? they should increase our stipends -- we slog at bench work, whereas i m sure these people call the well known stuff as path breaking research) -- that men also love to gossip........So why is gossip an evil word. it is the best topic of conversation and ice breaker among new people. it distracts and relaxes you. it is a recreation.........In short it is somthing i openly admit to liking.

now luckily for me some of my friends are good at this .............and some of my family actually rely on me to get the inside dope on "affairs"......................but that means i m left to do all the hard work of crusade and expedition. this can be exhausting time consuming health affecting..........(going through orkut profiles for hours can affect your vision)........and so i have simple request to everyone, please tell me all that is interesting and don't make me hunt for information.............or else seriously this cat will fall ill.

ash's reply to aj

Are you loud? Yes!!!
But that needn’t necessarily qualify as a bad virtue. It suggests that you are comfortable voicing your opinions, no matter how belligerent or sometimes annihilative they sound This is in reference to your suggestion of an autoclave massacre… hope I didn’t merit a membership to that group!. But you know what, considering how loud you are, if I did make it to the list, I’d probably hear as loud and clear as a tornado warning and run to the basement to save myself… oh! But wait, the autoclaves ARE in the basement… you planned this all the way didn’t you, you clever (read wicked) witch (read some thing that rhymes with witch)

books i recommend

read the original chronicles of narnia.........................and i think everyone should read it once, esp the CS Lewis style of narration is unique, u rarely come across a writer who does not want to waste pages describing scenery but gets to the point immediately.
if u esp want to act sentimental and want to shed loads of tears then do read 'P. S. I lOVE YOU' by cecelia ahren and MY SISTERS KEEPER by jodi picoult
and if u r in need of dosage of complete senseless humor read series of UNDEAD bu mary janice davidson...........................

lastly after many years of contemplation i have concluded that wuthering heights was a over rated book and pride and prejudice is much better....

Am I loud???

One thing that bothers me quite regularly is that am i loud?? not in the sense that i wear glaring fluorescent clothes and and scream out my thoughts!!!!

In US people speak in a very low voice -- almost as if they have constipation and they have to blurt out words through their teeth -- me on the contrary speak clearly!! once in a while it does happen to me that i m speaking loudly to combat the high decibel background of my surroundings, but i do make an effort to tone down my voice once in a while. having a full robust healthy indian voice does not help, and having a non melodious commonplace voice is an icing on the cake -- this voice esp works great during seminars when mic is broken........

this brings me to another problem, i always come across people who have great hair (i m losing them at alarming rate -- i should get married soon) great soft voice, great body (anyone who knows me -- knows i m super ATHLETIC --I HAVE HIGH BMR) and i m plagued with constant worry of me looking older than i actually am. I have reached a stage that every time i am asked state id -- as proof of my age, i m elated. it seems to me that when god was distributing these qualities, i was standing last in the queue, or i was lost (it happens to me regularly, i forget directions) or i was standing in the wrong queue or i was asleep or worse yet, i was so busy getting second helping of education that i was late (to me this seems most plausible).

well getting back to point, why cant US people speak clearly?? why do they have to whisper?? imagine 12 - 15 people in elevators all whispering to each other..... its worse than indian fish market. it sounds like a conspiracy to throw u off the elevator or worse it sounds like they r marking u as a FOREIGNER!!! (which is true but don't point it out to me)
and worse is yet to come. as a PhD student u associate with all "matured, decent, hard working" = old whispering individuals through out the day and then u encounter the screaming mindless young crowd of undergraduates....................they speak so loudly that sometimes i feel as if they want whole cafeteria to know their evening plans or worse yet their opinion on US polls, which is very enlightening........
to be fair, only Americans need not be blamed. the Chinese students give the term Chinese whispers an entirely new meaning. and indian and chinese students form the majority. the only difference is that the chinese speak in there language with fellow chinese. whereas, indians when they get out of country try to don foreign feathers and as a result it almost seems as if they r also plotting behind ur back............... as one of my friend says -- conducting a 'medical school/biological sciences autoclave massacre' seems a very attractive proposition.....though it does not solve my problem -- am i loud..

nerdy me??

I made some decent friends here…………..all r phd students. This was not intentional…..i was actually hoping to catch some hip crowd of masters students, go to parties and get a LIFE!!!! But I realized that everywhere in world opposites attract, except in med/bio sciences where like students attract like students.
The more nerdy u r, the more nerdy friend u will get ( nerdy = intelligent, and trust me u want to look nerdy or u will look like a loner, loner = successful bastard/bitch who got lucky with publications – and probably that’s why he/she is happy). Fortunately I look nerdy (I m not loner material) and I make friends quite quickly, but they soon realize it was all pretense on my part and that I m not actually THAT NERDY and they soon abandon me. Luckily I found couple of pretentious nerds around me and we hang out a lot.

But recently we realized that our pretense was turning into reality. I can’t delve into the situation when this realization hit us, or rather hit me……..but I m stunned. I have always considered myself studious not nerdy!!!!! Will have to ask krish abt it, get second opinion and analyze it. Is there a point of return for me or am I doomed forever????

nothingness

well my krish thought my previous blog was BORING.......(just like me -- but he being kind n considerate didn't say 'like you' -- just said its too boring) he thinks i am better at writing textbook answers. At least none of my profs have said that my writing is boring............

the actual funny part is that the one person i listen to seriously is krish - BF. it doesn't necessarily mean that i do things the way he wants them to be done but its a huge accomplishment, just listening to someone else. and i am getting better at it. also him having a nice soothing melodious voice helps a lot -- my ears r not strained (i hate high pitched whines) . and i do actually listen!!!

i might have dyslexia (after watching TZP) or an attention deficit disorder. i just go blank and zone out when people are speaking. for example today in middle of computational dynamics i started thinking abt me and M working in same lab and then me having to kill rats --- rats!!!!!
but the thing is i think a lot abt M -- dont take me wrong.
she dropped a subject coz she was stressed and she fainted. now i am taking twice the number of subjects but me i m never stressed. and occasionally if i scream (which happens only 3 -4 times in a day depending on how many irritating conversations i have) then i m letting off steam. and if i m studying twice as hard then its my indian blood which cant be satisfied with anything less than an A grade. and the indian stamina keeps me from fainting also .i dream of fainting so that i can take a day off -- but fainting happens only in dreams not in my reality. and its my indian sycophancy which make me sweet and amiable towards my profs.
i have to thank India for many things including for krish who thinks i write crap.
well i m just letting off steam!